Beyond “Stockholm Syndrome”: Understanding Trauma Bonding in Abuse

"Stockholm Syndrome is often used to describe situations where victims develop compassion or loyalty toward their abuser. While the term is popular, this reaction more accurately reflects trauma bonding, coercive control, and survival-based coping mechanisms rather than a romanticized attachment."

Through chronic manipulation, gaslighting, and fear, victims may start to question whether they deserve the abuse — or believe they can somehow “fix” the person harming them. Over time, they might minimize harm, defend the abuser, or internalize blame for the abuse itself — behaviors that once felt unimaginable.

A familiar cultural analogy is Beauty and the Beast: Belle is held captive, yet through prolonged exposure, emotional dependency, and moments of kindness, she begins to see the “good” in her captor. Though fictional, this mirrors the psychological mechanisms of real-life abusive relationships.

Many victims know their situation is unsafe, but fear of retaliation — including threats of violence, loss of children, financial harm, or social isolation — can make leaving feel more dangerous than staying. Without a safe exit plan, remaining can feel like the only way to survive.

This is why statements like “Why don’t they just leave?” are not only unhelpful but harmful. From the outside, the situation may appear straightforward, yet it often involves layers of threat, trauma, and psychological entrapment.

Coercive control — now recognized as a criminal offense in Queensland — often involves subtle, ongoing manipulation that victims internalize. Survivors may say things like “It’s my fault,” “They were under stress,” or “They didn’t mean it.” To outsiders, this might seem incomprehensible, but it reflects a nervous system adapting to prolonged fear and powerlessness.

Forceful intervention can sometimes increase risk, while steady, non-judgmental belief and support can be life-preserving.

Dr Emma-Leigh Senyard is a registered Clinical Psychologist (PhD), 10+ years' experience.

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